News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
