I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
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