My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
