so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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