I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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