I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
jump out the window naked night went bad
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
