think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
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thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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