I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
