i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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