where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
