"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
