We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
