the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
