he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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