my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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