Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Girls should come with a carfax report
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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