Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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