Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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