She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
