Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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