What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
