I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
