I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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