im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
