I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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