He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
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Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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