I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
