dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
