You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
