I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
