You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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