My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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