come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
