My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
