I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
