saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I need water and some morals
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
