Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
