I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize