I can text with my tongue
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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