Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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