Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
