In the future we'll all be gay
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
