why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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