We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
