yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am one with the molecules
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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