Im at strip club and am horny
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
