also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
