I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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