You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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