i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
