OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
