I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
3 2 1 whiskey
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
