Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
