A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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