and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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