There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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