I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
