FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
