If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
