it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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