I wanna bring you to show and tell
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
