what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
