so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
