We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize