She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
