And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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