I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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