i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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