and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
