Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
