My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
