wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
