I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
