True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
